Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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