but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
