I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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