At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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