everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
