peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
