You just made me feel so damn special
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
