I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
