I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
