she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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