Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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