I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
