Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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