Four minutes until I can fart!
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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