i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
