You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
