Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
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