I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
