but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
