White coat. Heels.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
