From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
