i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
