Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
