I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
