How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
