the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
