so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
pop tarts are not kleenex
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
