i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
