I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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