life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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