apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
