this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
