Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
