omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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