I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
