Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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