i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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