How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
