so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
