im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
