I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
