yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
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If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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