ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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