i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
