watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
