Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
