i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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