Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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