So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
