can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
