To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
