he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
