my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
