the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
