In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.