i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
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she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
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Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila