I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off