I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just want to make out with him forever
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night