ADVERTISEMENT

• (651): View more from Minnesota

  I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at

  Fav 4 1106 1575

  share tweet
  

• (956): View more from Texas

  Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity

  Fav 36 1231 6335

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (806): View more from Texas

  I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.

  Fav 4 1222 4425

  share tweet
  

• (209): View more from California

  Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas

  Fav 11 3444 1055

  share tweet
  
• 

  Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (702): View more from Nevada

  she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.

  Fav 12 4435 1202

  share tweet
  

• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"

  Fav 13 2208 4668

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (337): View more from Louisiana

  There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale

  Fav 8 2504 1303

  share tweet
  

• (801): View more from Utah

  First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.

  Fav 8 3209 1263

  share tweet
  

• (281): View more from Texas

  Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.

  Fav 15 1605 873

  share tweet
  
• 

  19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (512): View more from Texas

  well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.

  Fav 4 1826 730

  share tweet
  

• (248): View more from Michigan

  I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.

  Fav 1 1674 695

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (812): View more from Indiana

  No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.

  Fav 5 1120 734

  share tweet
  

• (813): View more from Florida

  For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.

  Fav 0 267 151

  share tweet
  

• (630): View more from Illinois

  We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles

  Fav 0 378 271

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (201): View more from New Jersey

  nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done

  Fav 0 13 23

  share tweet
  

Randomize