Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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