dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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