put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
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It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
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Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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