So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
