btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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