He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
