nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
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You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
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Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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