Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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