a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
