Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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