About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
