Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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