I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
im about as happy as oj after his trial
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
