Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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