The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
