i may or may not be watching the land before time
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
