is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
