oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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