You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i was born a porn star she said
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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