am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
