considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
