i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
